Lit Review

Raising Children Gender-Neutral: The Parenting Style of the Future

Traditional gender roles have a negative impact, especially on children. Traditional gender roles include stereotypes like a breadwinning father and a homemaking mother. These sex-based stereotypes can prevent a child from establishing their own gender identity, sexuality, and sense of self. Traditional gender roles are perpetuated by religion, stereotypes, and misogyny (internalized or otherwise). Gender-neutral parenting (GNP) is the best way to raise children without the negative side effects of traditional gender roles. Gender-neutral parenting means avoiding raising a child either androgynously (completely without gender) or in a strict gender binary (sex and gender as only two completely separate forms of masculine males and feminine females). Some people believe that raising children gender neutrally can be harmful to the child and is simply forcefully pressing the parents’ beliefs on a young, impressionable future voter. This, however, is untrue. Children should be raised without traditional gender roles and as gender-neutral as possible to allow them to develop their own identity and ideas about gender and sexuality in general and in regards to themselves. Most articles I found and utilized in my research falls under three basic subjects: gender-neutral parenting, traditional gender roles and sex-typing, and gender identity and sexuality.

Gender-neutral parenting is the best way to allow a child to develop their own perceptions of self. Gender-Neutral parenting is a very controversial topic with a lot of wrong information out in the world. Paige Lucas-Stannard wrote "5 Myths About Gender Neutral Parenting” on EverydayFeminism.com in 2013 and introduces what gender-neutral parenting (GNP) actually is and attempts to clear up a few misconceptions. Lucas-Stannard explains that GNP is not trying to erase gender by being completely against femininity or masculinity, does not alter your child’s sexuality, and is not only for parenting trans* children. Lucas-Stannard clarifies that GNP is not a social experiment, but merely a way to expand what a child could and/or will become. Brittney R. Villalva has a very negative view on GNP that she wrote about in her article "Gender Liberation: The Harmful Effects of Raising Children 'Gender Neutral'" on ChristianPost.com. Her points are completely discredited by the aforementioned Everyday Feminism source. Villalva claims that GNP is a political statement that is harmful for children. This source to show how some people totally miss the point of gender neutral parenting and proceed to spread the wrong information.

Many people have ideas about how children should be raised, even if it is not their children. Megan Gibson wrote "Parents Who Hid Child's Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash” in a 2012 issue of Time Magazine. Beck Laxton and Kieran Cooper decided to not reveal their child Sasha’s gender to the world after he was born. Sasha was encouraged to play with all sorts of dolls and toys and wore whatever clothes he wanted to. After Sasha entered school, his parents decided it would be too difficult to keep his gender a secret. Many people and the media took interest in Sasha’s gender-neutral upbringing. Even though Sasha himself deemed traditional gender values stupid, a lot of people claimed that Laxton and Cooper’s GNP was child abuse and brainwashing. People overreact to GNP when, in actuality, they do not understand. It’s important that anyone, even people without children, educate themselves on various parenting styles including GNP. Parents Magazine published "Should You Raise a Gender-neutral Baby?" because deciding how to raise your child can be a tough decision. Weighing all the physical and social repercussions from GNP can take a long time. This article outlines most of the arguments around GNP. Raising a child gender-neutrally can lead to questions from both parent and children who are not informed. This article will be useful in showing both sides of the GNP discussion because it provides insight on many factors of GNP.

From the very start, ideals about the separation of strict male and female genders are drilled into children’s heads. Susan D. Witt wrote about traditional gender roles and what this means to children as they are developing in her article "Parental Influence on Children's Socialization to Gender Roles” published by Caly Poly College of Liberal Arts. Witt discusses how parents impact a child’s self-concept and how gender-neutral parenting is beneficial. However, Witt does call it androgynous parenting, which is not quite right. Janis E. Jacobs and Jacquelynne S. Eccles also wrote about children’s perception of self in "The Impact of Mothers' Gender-Role Stereotypic Beliefs on Mothers' and Children's Ability Perceptions" published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 1992 by the Research Center for Group Dynamics. The authors explain what factors create a child’s “perception of self”. A child’s mother has a very large influence on children’s thought about the world and themselves. Although their mother, and the mother’s internalized misogyny, is the most significant factor, a child’s sex, sex-related stereotypes, and a teacher’s ability rating all combine and effect how a child thinks of themselves and what they can do. Traditional gender roles can absolutely make a child believe the worst about themselves and their abilities. Campbell Leaper wrote “Parents’ Socialization of Gender in Children” in The Encyclopedia on Early Childhood Education in 2013 because A child’s gender may not match the sex and therefore gender they were assigned at birth. Campbell Leaper writes about families’ and especially parents’ effect on a child’s perception of their gender. Many parents perpetuate traditional gender roles, making it hard for children to create their own ideas about gender and their own gender. Home life and parents’ differential treatment of their children does have an impact on their gender development.

Even children are aware of the gender-based stereotypes and stigmas, as May Ling Halim and colleagues wrote in "Pink Frilly Dresses and the Avoidance of All Things ‘Girly’: Children's Appearance Rigidity and Cognitive Theories of Gender Development" published in The Social and Personality Psychology Compass in 2011. A lot of girls go through a “phase” of rejecting all things girly and embracing traditionally masculine images. The authors of this article discuss why this happens as children enter school. When boys get praised for being strong, smart leaders, girls are being praised for their good looks and manners. After seeing “tough” boys getting respect and “girly” girls being treated as trophies by adults, children pick up on these negative conceptions about their own genders. The authors show that traditional gender roles and subsequent stigmas negatively affect a child’s psyche. Young children exposed to traditional gender roles will be more likely to perpetuate them later in life. Ariel Knafo and colleagues wrote about sex-typing in "Masculine Girls and Feminine Boys: Genetic and Environmental Contributions to Atypical Gender Development in Early Childhood" published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2005. These authors studied children participating in sex-typed activities and how parent-encourage sex type actives are harmful to children. This article will be helpful in showing that children that are thrust into their traditional gender roles have a harder time developing their own identity.

Susan M. McHale and colleagues wrote on the same thread in "The Family Contexts of Gender Intensification in Childhood and Adolescence", published in Social Development in 2003. Boys and girls develop differently at adolescence. The authors of this article were curious if gender stereotypes and sex-role attitudes had any effect of this development. The authors found that family had the most impact of children’s development, which makes sense. A family with traditional gender roles is going to probably raise a child with more positive ideals about traditional gender roles. Families that perpetuate traditional gender roles negatively impact their child’s gender development. A lot of families rely on traditional gender roles for decision making. As William Qualls writes in "Changing Sex Roles: Its Impact Upon Family Decision Making" as published by The Association for Consumer Research in 1982, the idea that men should be the head of the household and following traditional gender roles can be harmful for children and families. Qualls looks further into what traditional gender roles means and what following them for decisions can do. Christine Schuette and Melanie Killen write about the impact of traditional gender roles on children at different times in their lives in "Children's Evaluations of Gender-Stereotypic Household Activities in the Family Context" published in Early Education & Development in 2009 by the University of Maryland. As children become older, their ideas about gender change.  The authors looked at three different ages: five, eight, and ten. Their research showed that the older a child became, the more likely they were to participate in sex-typed activities.

Recently, many children are identifying as non-binary and/or non-heterosexual at a younger age. Loren DiBlasi wrote about a couple raising a child, CJ, who they deemed “gender creative” in "Gender Creative Boy C.J. & Gender Non-Conforming Vs. Transgender" published by Recapo RSS. Though CJ identifies as the sex he was assigned at birth, he prefers traditionally feminine activities and dress. Though GNP is not discussed in this article, it seems that CJ would benefit from a more gender-neutral environment. CJ is as an example of a child that falls outside the gender binary and should not have to conform or decide who, or even what, he is yet. The traditional gender binary causes people to have expectations for gender. The author of "Gender Roles and Gender Differences” published in Gender Roles and Gender Differences by McGraw-Hill Higher Education outlines some of these standards and explains how these negatively affect a child. The author also describes biological and cognitive factors in gender development differences. The scientific definitions of non-binary “behavior” is useful in explaining what non-binary vs binary actually is.

Kristina Chew highlights the road blocks people are facing through their identifications in “Ze, Hir, Hirs; He, She, They: Which Pronouns Are You?" published by Care2. . One large problem is pronouns. More and more places have started offering an “other” option beside male and female, but many continue to not recognize other genders. Some people have hard time labeling their gender, and therefore have trouble picking their preferred pronouns. Chew also writes about ancient societies genders in stories, noting that gender variations were not uncommon. This source will probably not be useful, unless I write about how traditional gender roles can make non-binary children more comfortable. GrammarMudge also published an article about prounouns, entitled “The Great Pronoun Debate: An Attempt to Resolve a Touchy Issue”. Pronouns are a touchy subject, especially for people who do not understand the gender spectrum. This article outlines where pronoun differences come in and some historical information on pronouns. There is a lot of debate about using “they” as a singular pronoun, which is what some people prefer instead of “he” “she” or “ze”. This article explains why making singular “they” grammatically correct would be a good idea. Earlier in my process I had planned to focus on gender roles rather than GNP, so with my changed focus these sources are not as useful. People are starting to recognize that some people find themselves outside the gender binary. Gender binary classifies two separate sex/genders: ultra-feminine female and ultra-masculine male Amanda Chan writes "Gender Dysphoria: DSM-5 Reflects Shift In Perspective On Gender Identity" for The Huffington Post in 2013 about the definition of gender dysphoria found the newest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the DSM), the most referenced and recognized mental health manual. People are starting to recognize that some people find themselves outside the gender binary. Gender binary classifies two separate sex/genders: ultra-feminine female and ultra-masculine male.  The DSM-5 recognizes gender dysphoria as distress rather than just an issue with identity. This source shows that non-binary genders and other related topics are becoming more universally recognized.

Hayley Wood and colleagues wrote about their research on correlations with gender dysphoria and sexuality in "Patterns of Referral to a Gender Identity Service for Children and Adolescents (1976-2011): Age, Sex Ratio, and Sexual Orientation”. These authors did a study and subsequently wrote about the factors that lead to gender identity issues in non-heterosexual youths. In recent times, it seems that many non-heterosexual youths with gender dysphoria also have an autism spectrum disorder. The authors note that even 10 years ago, this would have been a strange thing to see. This article provides context for gender dysphoria and other issues that non-heterosexual non-binary youths face. Jorge Gato and Anne Marie Fontaine also wrote about non-heterosexual couples’ children in "Anticipation of the Sexual and Gender Development of Children Adopted by Same-Sex Couples" published in The International Journal of Psychology. There are a lot of negative stigmas around non-heterosexual couples adopting children. Some “fear” that non-heterosexual couples will “make” their children prefer other genders than the opposite gender. However, this is a baseless claim. Jorge Gato and Anne Marie Fontaine write about how non-heterosexual parents are really not very different than heterosexual parents.  However, gender differences in children raised by non-heterosexual couples is more accepted and understood.

There are many studies done on the impact of gender roles on gender identity. Kenneth Zucker and colleagues wrote about their questionnaire in  "The Recalled Childhood Gender Identity/Gender Role Questionnaire: Psychometric Properties" published in Sex Roles in 2006. The authors of this questionnaire asked over 200 people 23 questions. The authors found that gender stereotypes greatly effected the psyche and ideals of people throughout their entire life. This questionnaire is hard evidence showing sex-related stereotypes and the effect on children’s development of their thoughts. Jake Pyne writes in his article "Gender Independent Kids: A Paradigm Shift in Approaches to Gender Non-conforming Children" published in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality in 2014 that school sexual education is lacking and is in need of a complete remodel, especially when it comes to gender and sexuality. Pyne writes how important it is for gender fluid, non-binary, or transgender children to understand about themselves. Without proper gender and sex education, children may believe they are “broken”, and that what they feel and who they are is incorrect.

Raising children gender-neutrally can help children not feel so lost in their self-identification. Parents that do not conform to traditional gender roles will most likely be more open to their children, no matter their gender or sexuality. That being said, raising a child gender may not be easy. By making the decision to remove traditional gender roles in a society where gender is usually clearly separate, parents utilizing GNP ideals could potentially face a lot of backlash. Children raised gender-neutral may face extreme negativity from their peers that do not understand and were possibly raised with contrary ideals. However, the positive impact of gender-neutral parenting far outweighs any negative reactions the parent(s) and child may face.